First
by xotakux2002x
Summary: A series of drabbles about first milestones. Akatsuki pairings for now, might add more later if they're requested!
1. Bath

_A.N: I realize that Sasori probably shouldn't have to eat, or even be able to. That said, his still has an organic heart, so there has to be some way for him to replace the dead/decaying cells with new ones. So, until Kishimoto provides a good explanation for how that happens, I have Sasori eating._

* * *

Luxury was not something that Akatsuki members could indulge in very often. Their finances were managed by a cheapskate immortal who would barely give the other members enough money to scrape by without having his arm twisted to shell out a few bucks more. Most expenses _were_ taken care of, that was true; the base always had functioning utilities, the bedrooms were adequately furnished, and the fridge always had enough food in it to make sure that the ninjas living there wouldn't starve to death. But for other monetary matters, like travel funds, Kakuzu was very tight-fisted. For this reason, Akatsuki members were usually confined to staying in shady motels or caves when they were sent on missions, regardless of how much bitching and threatening went into trying to get a bigger travel budget.

Sasori and Deidara had been out on assignment, about to check into one of these less than pleasant roach motels, when the blond was knocked down by a carriage backing into him. Before Deidara could bitch out the driver for running into him and Sasori could bitch out Deidara for being so oblivious that he was run over in the first place, the passenger stumbled out of the carriage and began apologizing so profusely that even Sasori's frustration was somewhat dissipated. The passenger had been speaking with the carriage driver as they drove through town, distracting the man while he was attempting to park, resulting in Deidara getting hit. As compensation, he offered the artistic duo a free night at the best suite in his hotel (which was decidedly a few steps above the roach motel in terms of class and likelihood of having been cleaned at some point in the past decade). Needless to say, Deidara and Sasori were quite happy to take the man up on his offer.

Not even an hour later, the pair stepped through the door of the hotel's suite and looked around, admiring the luxury of their lodgings. The room contained two king-sized beds, a plush couch, fully-stocked mini-bar, desk, and a bottle of fine wine (compliments of the hotel owner). A peek through the bathroom door revealed a Jacuzzi-style tub set into the ground, flanked by elegantly shaped bottles of shampoo and bubble bath. An entire wall of the bathroom was frosted glass that looked into the main room. Fluffy towels sat upon the sink ledge, arranged to look like small animals. All in all, the room was a far cry from the sort of shady establishments that Sasori and Deidara normally frequented. "Damn, un," Deidara remarked with a grin, "I should get run over more often, un."

"Don't tempt me," Sasori replied as he set his bag down on one of the beds. "Incidentally, we should probably avoid telling Kakuzu about this."

"Huh? Why, un?"

Sasori sat down by the phone and picked up a copy of the hotel's menu that had been placed on the table nearby. "Because I intend to use that money he gave us to get us a decent meal."

"Seriously?! I'd love to eat something that isn't two weeks old and covered in green slime, un!"

"I thought so. Now, what do you want?"

Deidara quickly joined Sasori and began pointing out the things on the menu he wanted to order, which was just about everything. "Brat, you're going to make yourself sick trying to eat all this."

"I don't care, this is the only good food we're going to get for the whole mission, un!"

"No. Pick a few things."

"Please danna?" the blond begged, wrapping his arms around the redhead and giving him his most pathetic look.

"…If you puke this up, I'm going to kill you." Deidara merely smiled and gave Sasori a tight squeeze. "Stupid brat."

"Crotchety old man," Deidara shot back with a smirk.

As Sasori circled the items on the menu they were planning to order, Deidara dropped his cloak onto the bed. He walked towards the bathroom but halted just short of going through the doorway, biting his lip nervously. "Hey, Sasori danna?"

"Mm?"

"I'm going to take a bath now."

"All right, that should be fine since it'll probably take them a while for them to prepare all this food."

"Um, do you…"

"What?"

"Never mind, un," Deidara mumbled as he ducked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Shaking his head, the blond stripped out of his clothing and tossed them into the corner. "Geez Deidara, when did you turn into a blushing schoolgirl, un."

It was true that Deidara and Sasori had only been a couple for a few weeks now, so maybe the blond was justified in his hesitance to do certain things with his partner; like, say, inviting the redhead into the bathtub so they could bathe together. Normal couples did that, right? Well, maybe Kakuzu and Hidan weren't normal, and neither were Itachi and Kisame, but that was normal Akatsuki couple activity, and since he and Sasori were both Akatsuki members then it should be normal for them, right? That made sense, right?

"Stop over-thinking it, un," Deidara grumbled as he turned on the hot water and dumped an entire bottle of bubble bath into the tub. It didn't matter if doing such things was normal or not, since apparently Deidara didn't have the ability to even suggest co-bathing to Sasori at all. And even if he did somehow manage to voice his invitation to the older man, what would Sasori say? Would he want to just take an innocent bath together, or would things get friskier with all that naked skin and hands sliding over slippery flesh and bubbles obscuring some rather nice visuals that Deidara was eager to see-

"Deidara?" Sasori called out as he stepped into the bathroom.

"ACK!" Startled by the sudden appearance of his danna, Deidara accidentally tumbled into the bathtub headfirst, sending water splashing over the edge.

"…Brat, are you all right?" Sasori inquired when Deidara's head resurfaced.

"Sasori danna, didn't anyone ever teach you to knock, un?!" Deidara spluttered, handmouths gagging slightly from the lilac bubble bath in the water.

Sasori's unconcerned expression didn't change. "Why? I've seen you naked before," he calmly stated, referring to the times Deidara had had to strip down so that Sasori could tend to his injuries.

"That was different, un! We weren't…you know…dating," Deidara mumbled, the last word barely audible.

If Sasori noticed his partner's discomfort he chose to ignore it. Instead, he closed the door behind him and began stripping down. "The food's probably going to get here around the time you finish washing up and I'd be getting in, and I'd rather eat while it's hot," he explained as he tossed his shirt on top of Deidara's clothing.

Deidara felt his face heat up as he realized where Sasori was going with that line of thinking. "So you're saying…?"

"We'll bathe together, obviously," Sasori concluded as he began to remove his boxers, the final article of clothing on his body.

Nervous and embarrassed, Deidara averted his eyes and swam to the far edge of the tub, setting his hands above the water's edge. Never mind the fact that he'd been about to ask Sasori to do this moments earlier; he was about to bathe with his danna for the first time! And Sasori was acting like it was no big deal!

His panicked musings were disturbed by the slosh of water as Sasori sank into the tub, dunking his head beneath the mountain of suds before popping back up dangerously close to Deidara's face. "Mm, this is heavenly."

"Eep!"

Sasori quirked a brow at the blond's reaction. "Something wrong?"

"Er, soap in my eye?"

Sasori rolled his eyes and muttered something about stupid blonds before taking a seat beside Deidara. The bomber tried to keep his attention on just finishing his bath and getting out of here without blushing himself to death. Unfortunately, in his distracted state Deidara's handmouths had slipped beneath the water yet again, opened and slurped in a few globs of soapy water, causing them to sputter as Deidara made a face. Sasori gave Deidara another look, seriously concerned about his partner's behavior thus far. "Do you normally have this much trouble taking a bath?"

Deidara stretched his arms back so that they were safely out of the danger of the sudsy bath water. "Sometimes my handmouths swallow soap or water, un. It's gross."

"How do you wash your hair then?"

"Very carefully," Deidara answered as he reached behind him for the shampoo. Maybe he could get through this yet; he just needed to focus on the actual bathing part of his bath with Sasori, and not the naked danna aspect.

"Do you want me to do it?"

The shampoo bottle slipped out of Deidara's hand. "W-what?"

"Do you want me to wash your hair?"

"Um, sure, I guess," Deidara replied, realizing too late that he probably should have declined if he wanted to get his blushing and anxiety under control. Too late now.

Moments later Sasori had moved to sit on the edge of the tub and was lathering the shampoo in his hands, while Deidara scooted to sit between his legs and kept his eyes glued firmly forward, away from Sasori. Because there was a good chance that if Deidara got a decent look at what was resting between Sasori's legs, he was going to squeal like a girl or pass out. Possibly both. Being a teenager sucked.

Sasori, ever oblivious to his partner's discomfort, began to wash Deidara's hair with surprisingly gentle motions. "Too rough?"

"No, un," Deidara replied, melting into Sasori's gentle caresses. "Why is that, un?"

"If I rip out my puppets' hair it doesn't grow back, so I have to be careful," Sasori explained with a shrug. "Tilt your head…good, just like that."

Any additional comments that Deidara might have made died on his lips as Sasori began to rub little circles into the base of his skull. Instead, he shut his eyes and leaned into Sasori's hands, head eventually coming to rest on the redhead's thigh as he sighed contently. This was heaven.

Sasori smirked at the sight, tilting Deidara's head from side to side. "Who knew you could be so quiet and agreeable."

"Less talking, more head scratching, un," Deidara grumbled.

"Brat," Sasori chuckled but went back to washing the blond's locks. Once they were deemed clean enough, Sasori used a chakra thread to snag a cup off the bathroom counter. He turned on the tap and filled the cup, testing with his finger to make sure it wasn't too hot. "Tilt your head back," he instructed before dumping the water over Deidara's hair.

"Ack, too cold!"

Sasori rolled his eyes but adjusted the water temperature before repeating the procedure. Soon enough Deidara's hair was completely cleaned, much to the blond's satisfaction. "Thank you danna," he murmured, craning his neck back to smile at Sasori.

The Akasuna suddenly bent forward and pressed his lips to Deidara's, giving the blond an upside-down kiss. Caught off-guard, Deidara nevertheless kissed back and pushed up against Sasori, one hand slowly coming up to wrap around the puppet master's neck-

KNOCK KNOCK "Room service!"

Sasori made a displeased noise and sat up. "Coming!" he called out, quickly snagging a towel and wrapping it around his waist. Leaving Deidara to sit in the tub for a minute, confused and…disappointed?

Pouting softly, Deidara flipped the lever to drain the tub and climbed out, wrapping one towel around his hair and drying himself off with another. Curse that room service delivery man for interrupting their bath!

"Deidara, come on; the food's getting cold."

"Coming danna," the blond called out, gathering up their clothing and flipping off the light switch as he exited the bathroom. Still, for their first time bathing together, it had been pretty nice. "Maybe I can get danna to wash my hair again, un…"


	2. Crush

_A.N.: It's always bothered me that Kishimoto made it canon for Itachi to have a lover in Konoha; mostly because Itachi would have only been 13 or 14 at the time of this relationship. What 13-year-old has a "lover", not just a girlfriend/boyfriend? And given that he was usually working with ANBU and other jounin, there's a good chance this unnamed lover would've been quite a bit older than him, since we never meet anyone other than Shisui that was in Itachi's age group. That's kind of...weird. Just saying._

* * *

Itachi thought he knew what attraction was. In his mind, he'd felt attraction towards a select few people in his home village, even going so far as to pursue a relationship with one young man. Attraction was a soft, steady draw towards another person whom he could be unusually tolerant of. He'd never experienced the obsession, the butterflies in the stomach, the overwhelming euphoria that supposedly came with attraction and a relationship, but he chalked that up to being particularly stoic and in control of his emotions. An emotional crushing sensation that spawned a, well, crush, was something only experienced by weak-minded or overly-emotional fools that couldn't properly process and handle their emotions; in short, it was something that Itachi had become quite convinced would never happen to someone like them.

Then he joined Akatsuki and that notion walked out the door, took a boat to the next continent over, and was never seen or heard from again.

The person he'd developed this detestable crush on was none other than his partner, Kisame Hoshigaki. Even more frustrating, this crush had come out of nowhere; cliché as it may sound, Itachi had experienced a case of love at first sight (blegh). Itachi and Kisame had met, said their introductions (well, Kisame had introduced himself/threatened Itachi) and gone back to the base afterwards. The problem was, Itachi couldn't stop staring. He tried to write this off as merely being intrigued by Kisame's unique skin color and appearance (and oh, did he try hard at convincing himself of that), but after a few weeks of this denial he had to admit that he was much less focused on Kisame's blue skin and much more interested in the rippling muscles beneath that blue skin. Once upon a time he'd thought that guys built like a brick house weren't his type, but on Kisame that physique was just so…alluring.

Yet if this crush had only been based on physical attraction, Itachi probably could have suppressed it and ignored it indefinitely. Tragically, he grew to actually like his partner on a personal level as well. Having spent much of his ninja career among the rigid structure and decorum of the ANBU, Kisame's somewhat morbid humor on the battlefield was a pleasant change of pace that occasionally put a smile on Itachi's face (which was quickly hidden and fervently denied). The man was competent and skilled in battle (as could be expected of an S-ranked criminal) but readily let Itachi take the leadership role in their partnership. His brawn coupled with Itachi's brain made them an excellent team, and their personalities were a perfect complement to each other.

This still didn't change the fact that Itachi was a scrawny underage teenager and Kisame was a full-grown man whose sexuality was a total mystery to the Uchiha.

And so, for the six months following their initial meeting, Itachi set about silently denying, ignoring, loathing, and finally grudgingly accepting that he definitely had a thing for his partner. All the while, Kisame remained completely oblivious, which was probably why the shark had no problem getting close to his partner and clapping Itachi on the shoulder as they set out of the base one afternoon for their next assignment. "You sure you're all right?" he asked, giving the younger man a concerned look. "Your eyes-"

"They're fine," Itachi assured Kisame, brushing the shark's hand away. Itachi had just returned from a solo assignment that had involved extensive genjutsu usage, leaving the weasel extremely drained when he'd returned to the base the night before. He'd only been given half a day's rest before his next assignment with Kisame, when a normal ninja would have required at least two full days off to recuperate. Under normal circumstances, Kisame's concern would have been justified. However, nothing about Itachi Uchiha could be described as normal.

Kisame rolled his eyes but accepted his partner's answer. "I still say Sir Leader could've given this assignment to someone else…"

"Are you suggesting I'm incapable of completing our assignment?" Itachi asked.

"No! Just, don't you think he's pushing you a little hard?"

"Hn."

Kisame rolled his eyes again and turned away from Itachi, muttering, "Stubborn kid," under his breath as he walked away.

Itachi felt a twinge of annoyance at the comment, as he always did whenever someone chose to pay attention to his age over his extensive experience. He did his best to suppress this emotion (my, wasn't he good at that) and tried to write it off as Kisame being concerned for the success of their mission. Actually, that just annoyed him even more. He'd been an ANBU captain before joining the Akatsuki; concern for their success was perpetually at the forefront of his mind. Kisame should have realized that, even though their partnership was only a few months' old. And so, instead of letting it go like he probably should have done, Itachi strode up to his partner and grabbed Kisame's arm. "I'm fine, Kisame."

Kisame stared at him in silence for a moment. And then, faster than Itachi could see, he brought his hand up and grabbed Itachi by the jaw, tilting the Uchiha's head up to look directly at him. "Be honest with me," he demanded, bringing his face close to Itachi's. "Are you capable of carrying out our mission?"

Itachi's mind was going in a million directions at once. Concerned with the close proximity to his partner, he accessed what little he remembered of medical jutsu to keep the blood from rushing to his cheeks in a blush. At the same time, he had to push down a near-reflexive desire to free himself from Kisame's grip and counterattack. Along with this, he had to focus hard on keeping eye contact with Kisame, which was rather difficult seeing as he kept wanting to glance down at the lips that were now mere inches from his own. Oh, and then there was the small matter of formulating an answer to Kisame's question. "I'm fine, Kisame," he finally managed, pleased with himself for keeping his voice level. "We'll be fine."

Kisame smirked and let go of his partner. "Of course we'll be fine; I'm here. Just didn't want you slowing us down or anything."

Itachi chose not to comment; he was still processing the tingling sensation left over from Kisame touching his face. The grip had been firm, the fingers warm, the calloused skin sending pleasant shivers down his spine…

But now wasn't the time for that. He and Kisame had a mission to complete, and he had to prove to the elder man that he was worthy of being Kisame's partner. His crush (and all the delightful fantasies running through his head after the close contact with Kisame) would have to wait.


	3. Steps

It was with great pleasure that Sasori peeled off his winter coat and hung it on a peg near the front door. This winter had been an absolute nightmare thus far, and he'd been caught in a snowstorm between his subway stop and apartment. By the time he actually made it home, he was covered in flurries and had windburn on his cheeks. "I'm home," he called out as he kicked off his snow-covered boots.

"Welcome home!" Deidara called back. "We're in the kitchen, un."

Sasori walked down the hall and peeked his head into the kitchen, smiling at the sight. Deidara was currently cooking dinner over their stovetop, making something that smelled heavenly. Sitting at his feet was their adoptive son Tobi, who was wearing a colander over his head and chewing on a wooden spoon. The little brunette had just passed his first birthday and was quickly discovering the joys of picking up whatever he could get his hands on and shoving these items into his mouth. "Did you two have a good day?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, un. Hey, do me a favor and keep an eye on Tobi until dinner's ready, ok? I've almost tripped over him twice, un."

Sasori felt a bit of panic creep into him at the request. "I can take over for you if you'd like," he offered.

His suggestion was met with a flat look from Deidara. "This coming from the man that married me for my cooking skills, un."

"Among other things…"

Deidara was not to be persuaded. "Just take Tobi into the living room and give him his building blocks, un. You'll be fine!"

"But-"

"I'll be right here in the next room, un."

"But-"

"You need to bond more with our son anyway, un. Now scoot!"

Thus Sasori found himself on the couch with Tobi at his feet, thoroughly confused as to what he should be doing. Deidara was the stay at home dad and handled most of the child-rearing stuff, chiefly because Sasori was absolutely terrible at it. Still, one-year-olds couldn't be that complicated. They were about on the level of a housecat with terrible motor skills, weren't they? "So, Tobi," he began. "you like these blocks, right?"

Tobi picked up one of the blocks in question and began to chew on it.

"Ok. Well, let's stack them," Sasori suggested, picking a few up and arranging them in piles a few blocks high. "There, that's good. I think."

Tobi continued to chew on his block.

"All right, now we'll…um…put a stuffed animal on top, I guess?"

Tobi gurgled and fell over on his side.

"Well, I think you've got this under control," Sasori decided, sitting back on the couch and turning on the TV. Maybe he could survive the next twenty minutes of alone time with his kid.

Only half-observing the news in the background, Sasori watched as Tobi poked at his blocks for a little longer, before crawling over to the coffee table and grabbing the edge to pull himself up. He'd been doing this for several weeks now, and though these attempts to stand invariably ended in the little boy falling on his butt, he never quit. Sasori smirked; any second now, those chubby legs would start to wobble, Tobi's face would scrunch up in a pout, and his son would fall to the ground and have to try again.

Except that he didn't. Instead, he took one tentative, wobbly step away from the coffee table. Sasori blinked and leaned forward in his seat, watching Tobi with rapt attention. The boy took another step, wobbling like jelly as he did so. "Come on Tobi," Sasori murmured, holding out his arms. "Come to daddy."

Tobi was able to take one more step before collapsing forward and being caught by Sasori. The redhead grinned and hugged the boy. "Good job, Tobi. Dei-dei's going to be so happy-"

"Oh, Sasori! Let me know if Tobi tries to walk, un! I think he's getting close and I don't want to miss his first steps, un."

Sasori paled slightly and gave his son a worried look. "Actually, let's keep this between the two of us, ok?"

Tobi let out a string of nonsensical sounds and smiled at him.


	4. Madness

Sasori was totally, hopelessly, madly in love.

This in and of itself was not a major problem. Lots of people fell totally, hopelessly, and madly in love every day, year-round. Hell, Hollywood probably put out nearly a hundred movies every year with that theme as part of the central plot. Overwhelming love was just part of the human experience, Sasori had concluded, and he was completely prepared to accept that.

The major issue was that he had fallen totally, hopelessly, madly in love with a certain energetic blond in his art class by the name of Deidara Iwa, known around school as the guy who was adored by all the ladies yet couldn't keep a girlfriend for more than a month. Yes, Sasori had fallen for a decidedly straight boy. And one with a shoddy dating record, but really that seemed to be a very minor issue at this point. He realized that there wasn't a chance in hell that he could ever get Deidara to go out with him, since besides being straight the blond probably didn't even know Sasori existed. This did little to stop his pining, and frankly his friends were starting to get annoyed with his laments about his tragic fate to fall for Deidara.

"Sasori, just ask him out already!" Kisame snapped one afternoon. "If he says yes, great! And if he shoots you down, then you can just move on to someone else."

Sasori glared at the blue-haired teen, not even slightly motivated by that line of reasoning. "That's easy for you to say. Everyone knew there wasn't a chance in hell of Itachi turning you down when you finally asked him out."

Itachi looked up from his laptop at the sound of his name, having paid no attention to the rest of the conversation while he was busy doing his work. Resumes didn't build themselves, after all, and he needed to have as much experience under his belt at the Uchiha's company as possible before he went off to college.

"Don't worry angel, he wasn't talking to you," Kisame assured the weasel, who in turn nodded and went back to sorting out his spreadsheet. Kisame, meanwhile, returned his focus to Sasori. "And there was always the chance of rejection, Sasori. There's _always_ a chance that things are going to go wrong. You just have to have more hope that he says yes than no." When the redhead continued to look depressed, Kisame sighed and pulled out his trump card. "Look, how about this. Next Friday there's going to be a big party, and Deidara's probably going to be there because he loves parties. Itachi can't come because he's going to be trapped in meetings all day, so how about you come with me?"

"I don't know…"

"Look, if you keep coming over every weekend moaning about how awful your life is and how you don't have a shot in hell with Deidara, I'm going to snap your neck and pay Itachi to dispose of the body."

Itachi gave the shark a pointed look.

"Oh right Itachi, like your company doesn't have the resources for that. And anyway Sasori," Kisame went on, "I'm not saying you have to ask him out this time, since apparently you're too much of a weenie for that. I'm just saying that if you two are at a party together, there's a pretty good chance that you could oh, I don't know, actually introduce yourself to him?"

When Kisame phrased it like that, it all seemed pretty plausible to Sasori. He could run into Deidara and strike up a conversation without it seeming too weird, and he wouldn't even have to bring up his crush. Worst case scenario, he wouldn't be able to talk to the blond due to one issue or another, and things would continue on like they had been up until this point. All in all, the risk of screwing up seemed incredibly low compared to the probable reward of talking to his crush. "All right. I'll go."

-n-

Next Friday found Sasori following Kisame into a large house that was already filled with teenagers. He wasn't sure whose house this was, but knew he was grateful for the location. The three-story home was tucked away in the famed woods of Konoha, almost a quarter mile away from the next nearest house. It was too big to be a simple farmer's dwelling; maybe it was a renovated plantation mansion? All Sasori knew was that being so isolated meant that there was an extremely low chance that the neighbors would call the cops to complain about noise or something like that, thereby breaking up the party. This was good; Sasori didn't need anything else to worry about right now.

The redhead followed Kisame into the house, frowning a bit when a drunk girl accidentally ran into him and nearly spilled her drink all over his jacket. The house was packed, and he'd never liked crowds in the first place. It was even worse when members of that crowd managed to agitate him. Thus when Kisame broke away from him to go into the living room, already filled with loud (and possibly drunk) teenagers, Sasori decided to go the opposite direction down a mostly-empty hallway, which led into the kitchen.

Fate was both kind and cruel to the redhead. The kitchen was mercifully less crowded, with maybe a dozen people scattered throughout the spacious room. Unfortunately, one of those people was Deidara, who was holding a platter of food in one hand and laughing amidst a large group of friends.

At this point, Sasori realized that while Kisame had suggested that attending the party would be a good way to talk to Deidara, the shark had failed to specify exactly _how_ Sasori could go about starting that conversation. In short, Sasori was up a creek without a paddle, and couldn't exit the room to talk to Kisame and make a plan of attack without looking weird when he came in again. He'd have to come up with something on his own, preferably something that would keep the damage to his image to a minimum.

For now, to avoid looking like a creeper that was just watching the other teens converse, Sasori made his way over to the marble island in the center of the room that was covered in tasty-looking snacks of all varieties. He looked over his options for a bit and finally settled on a plate of chips and a soda for now, taking his time as he prepared the plate while listening to Deidara talk.

"So Deidara, have you finished the paper for Mr. Iruka's class?" one of the nearby guys asked.

Sasori's heart sped up as he heard Deidara laugh; god, that was such a gorgeous sound! "No way, un. I'll get started on it tomorrow, though, so don't worry."

"Deidara, that paper's due in two days and it's worth ten percent of our grade!" one of the girls with several piercings chimed in with a scolding tone.

"Calm down Konan, I'll be fine," Deidara promised. "And why are we talking about school right now, un? This is a party; we should be enjoying ourselves and stuffing our faces, un!"

"Good point." One of the group (this one a boy with orange hair and facial piercings) turned his head towards the snack island, catching Sasori's eye in the process. "Hey fire crotch, can you pass the pork rinds?"

Sasori prayed that the dim lighting in the kitchen wouldn't show how red his face turned as he quickly loaded up a plate for the guy and then handed the food to him. Deidara had noticed him now, however, and gave the redhead a smile that only compounded the poor Akasuna's anxiety. "Hey, you're in my art class in the afternoon, aren't you?"

"Ah, yes, I think so," Sasori replied.

"Yeah, it's definitely you!" Deidara declared with a grin. "Not too many redheads in the school, un."

"Yeah, we're kind of rare," Sasori replied with a small smile. "_Shit, that was lame. Abort the mission now_!"

If Deidara was particularly concerned with the cheesiness of Sasori's reply, he certainly didn't show it and kept right on talking. "I don't usually see you at parties like this, un. You here with someone, un?"

"Kisame Hoshigaki, but he's in the living room," Sasori explained, wondering why he felt the need to clarify where Kisame was.

"Oh yeah," Konan said, "Kakuzu just got a new fighting game, so they're probably playing that. Wanna go watch, guys?"

Most of the other teens present said yes, but Deidara shook his head. "Sorry, un. Hidan likes to throw things when he starts losing, and given how badly he sucks I want to stay out of his range, un."

Sasori could feel his pulse speed up as the other teens started to drift out of the room, leaving him alone and standing opposite from Deidara. Crap, what should he say? What should he do? He wasn't prepared for this, damnit!

Deidara appeared oblivious to the redhead's discomfort and launched into a fresh bout of conversation while nibbling on some pretzels. "So, did you decide what to do for your final project? It's supposed to go in our portfolio, right, un?"

Sasori nodded; at least this was a subject he could talk about without making a total idiot out of himself. "I'm hoping a woodcarving. Provided I can convince old man Sarutobi that my project counts as art, not a woodshop project."

Deidara chuckled at this. "Good luck with that, un. I've been trying for the last month to get him to approve a performing art piece, but he says that stuff's for drama club, un."

Sasori quirked a brow at this tidbit of information. "What are you planning? A dance?"

"Firework show, un. I told him I could make a recording and put that in my portfolio, but he still won't budge, un!"

"MOTHERFUCKER!" CRASH

Deidara and Sasori both turned to look down the hallway, frowning at the noise. "Sounds like Hidan's losing, un," Deidara remarked as he pushed himself away from the island and tossed his empty plate into the garbage. "How about we go somewhere quieter? Before everyone else decides to flee to the kitchen for safety, un."

"Sure. Um, it's a little cold to go outside, so is the basement-"

"Don't worry, we can just go upstairs, un."

Sasori felt his heart skip a beat at the suggestion. "A-are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Kakuzu lets me crash here all the time after his parties, un. We can just go into one of the guest rooms and shut the door so no one else comes in, un."

"If you say so…"

Sasori desperately hoped that his face and voice appeared calm to Deidara, because frankly on the inside he was somewhere between fainting and throwing up. Deidara wanted them to go somewhere alone to talk. Even if he framed it as just wanting to be farther away from that loud Hidan kid, the fact remained that the two of them were _going upstairs at a high school party_. Sasori had seen enough movies, hell, he'd heard enough stories in class about what happened when two people slipped away for a bit of "privacy" at these kinds of parties. And if Deidara tried anything, Sasori was positive that he actually _was_ going to faint or throw up. Maybe scream a bit too, for good measure. "_It's all right, just stay calm. If you could survive Grandma's bridge tournament weekend, you can get through this," _he told himself. Maybe if he repeated it enough times, he'd actually believe it.

Sasori frantically prayed that he would run into Kisame on the way upstairs so the Akasuna could signal his friend to make their escape. Hell, he'd even settle for his grandmother calling for some supposed emergency (like running out of baking powder) and demand that the Akasuna come home at once. Tragically neither of these things happened, and Sasori nervously followed the blond upstairs and down an empty hallway. Sasori was grateful for that; if they'd encountered anyone else, he would've fled.

Deidara eventually stepped into a guest bedroom and flicked the lights on, ushering Sasori inside before shutting the door behind them. "Sorry, I never got around to properly introducing myself, un. My name's Deidara."

"I'm Sasori."

Deidara smirked at this. "Sasori, huh? It's nice to finally have a name for you, un. I've just been calling you my ginger stalker for the past couple of weeks."

Sasori's heart sped up as he broke out into a cold sweat. "What?"

Deidara laughed. "C'mon Sasori, you're not that sneaky. Every time I look at you in class, you always look away super fast, un. And whenever I'm watching out of the corner of my eye, I can see you spying on me. Plus I'm guessing this was happening before I started noticing it too, un."

"U-um, I can explain…"

Deidara's smirk grew as he leaned back against the door, effectively blocking Sasori's exit. "That would be entertaining, un. But I'm going to go ahead and guess that you have a thing for me, un."

Unable to counter Deidara's assertion, Sasori sank down onto the bed behind him and remained silent. Deidara knew? Holy crap, this was bad. "Sorry."

"Don't look so freaked, un," Deidara said, his smile fading a little at the redhead's discomfort. "Honestly, it wasn't annoying or creepy or anything. I've had girls try to break into my locker before to steal my hairbrush, so you enjoying a little eye candy in class was no big deal, un."

"Still, I'm sorry."

Deidara moved to stand in front of Sasori, studying the redhead. "I'm kind of curious, though. You have to know I've only dated girls, un. That's common knowledge to everyone."

"I know," Sasori admitted, feeling even worse now. "I know it's crazy, I know that just watching you in class is weird, but I just…"

"Why do you like me, un?" Deidara suddenly asked.

Sasori glanced up at Deidara. "What?"

"You heard me, un. Why does someone like you like me, un?"

Sasori was confused. "Someone like me?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "You're quiet, anti-social, and wound tighter than anyone I've ever met, un. Nobody I've dated is anything like that, aside from being a girl, un. And I've got to be the closest thing to a polar opposite of you in the whole school-"

"I get it, I'll back off and never bother you again," Sasori interjected as he shot up from the bed, making Deidara start and take a step back. The redhead rushed past him and bolted towards the door, determined to run home, barricade himself in his room, and make all the necessary arrangements tomorrow morning to be transferred out of his art class. Possibly to a new high school as well.

Then there was a flash of blond whooshing past him, and suddenly Deidara was standing between him and the door. "Don't get so upset, it was just a question, un!"

"How is pointing out every one of my flaws asking a question?!"

"That's not what I meant!" Deidara argued. Seeing that Sasori was still upset, he gave an agitated sigh and put a hand on Sasori's shoulder, hoping to relax the redhead. "Please, just answer."

"…Fine. I like how happy you are even when you're having a crappy day, I like the way you're so passionate about art, I just like being around you!"

Deidara nodded. "Ok. I like you too."

"…What?"

"You're usually pretty quiet and off by yourself, so being around you is really peaceful, un. And it's pretty cool to see you relax and cut loose when you get into an art project; it's like you suddenly come alive and actually care about something, un."

Sasori couldn't believe what he was hearing. This blond, who up until 10 minutes ago he'd never spoken to, liked him? "So, um…"

"Look, I'm not saying I'm going to become your boyfriend like that," Deidara clarified with a snap of his fingers. "But I want to get to know you better, un."

"But…you like girls," Sasori stated, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Yeah, and all those relationships fell apart in a couple of weeks, un," Deidara replied. "So maybe it's time I try something a little different, un."

"Erm, ah…"

"How about dinner at the mall tomorrow night, around 6?"

"Sure?"

"Great! Now, we should probably get back to the party before someone notices we're gone and starts making up rumors about us, un."

Five minutes later an extremely confused Sasori was back in the kitchen, leaning against the wall and sipping a glass of water in a daze. Deidara was in the next room over, talking to his friends again like nothing had happened. It was completely surreal.

"Hey Sasori!" The redhead looked up to see Kisame moving to stand beside him, a huge smile on his face and a plate of food in his hand. "So? How did it go?"

Sasori took a long drink as he thought up an appropriate answer. "I'm having a not-date with the ex-straight guy who referred to me as his ginger stalker."

"…Huh?"

"Exactly."


	5. Picture

_A.N.: I realize that the modern world has long since moved on to digital cameras, but the Naruto universe is very screwy about what modern amenities they do and don't have. So, for the sake of this story, cameras there still have to be loaded with old-fashioned film._

* * *

Deidara gave Kisame a flat look. "You've got to be kidding me, un."

Kisame gave Deidara his best pleading look (which probably would have worked better if he wasn't a six foot tall S-rank killer built like a brick house). "Deidara, please! You're the only one I can ask."

"Why, un? Do I seem particularly suicidal to you?"

"Sasori's out of town, and you're the only one with any artistic talent left in the base!"

"I work with explosives, un! Not photography!"

"What about that weird camera eye thing?!"

"That's a scope, and it sure as hell doesn't have film that's meant to be developed, un!"

It was a bit of an odd request, to say the least. Kisame had been hit by a small wave of sentimentality during Itachi's last solo mission (or a desire for more fapping material, both options were equally likely) and now wanted a picture of Itachi to keep with him. The shark, however, had spent years practicing swordsmanship, not photography. Thus, he turned to Deidara for help.

"Look, if it's money you want, I've got a bit saved up and I can pay some in advance," Kisame promised.

"There's not enough money in the world to convince me to take compromising pictures of Itachi Uchiha, un!"

"Who said they had to be compromising?!"

Deidara gave Kisame a flat look. "Don't play dumb, Kisame. We both know that the kind of pictures you want don't feature Itachi reading a book or sharpening his knives. They're the kind I'd need a gallon of eye bleach for when I finish, un!"

Kisame sighed. He hadn't wanted to do this, but it looked like he was going to have to play his trump card. "Fine, I'll sweeten the deal a little."

"What could you possibly have that would convince me to do this?"

"An extra roll of film."

Deidara remained unconvinced. "And why would I want that, un?"

"Deidara, what's today's date?"

"May 23rd, why?"

"So that means last week was…?"

Deidara needed a few seconds to think, before he turned white as a sheet and screamed. "Holy shit, our anniversary!"

"Yup. Specifically the one Sasori remembered and you completely blanked on."

"Oh no oh no oh no-"

"He was extremely upset when he left on his mission, you know. Something about you and him needing to have a long chat about your relationship when he gets back-"

"Shit, I'm so screwed," Deidara whimpered.

"But, I can save your skin," Kisame went on. "You take a few pictures of Itachi for me, and I'll give you a roll of film to take your own pictures for Sasori."

"That's blackmail, un!"

"Well, yes. Murderous Akatsuki member with loose morals here, have we not met?"

Deidara groaned and snatched the camera out of Kisame's hands, tucking it inside the sleeve of his cloak. "Fine, un. But if Itachi murders me, tell Sasori danna I died trying to get him a nice anniversary present, un!"

"Great, see you later!" Kisame replied, completely oblivious to Deidara's misery and despair. Leaving the blond to do his dirty work, the shark went off to train outside the base.

-n-

Deidara was rapidly coming to the conclusion that the number one challenge to getting a decent picture of Itachi was trying to get the weasel to come out of his room. Itachi had never been social to begin with, and unless Kisame was in the base's kitchen or living room he usually wouldn't exit their bedroom. Waiting for the past two days hadn't worked, and Sasori was due back in just under a week!

Thus, Deidara had to get creative.

Step number one: sneak into the bedroom while Itachi was in the shower and steal his clothes. That part of the plan was the riskiest; Itachi had ears like a bat, and would have assumed that anyone sneaking into his room while he was bathing was the enemy (which, to be fair, wasn't too far off the mark). But Kisame had left the door open for him when the shark went out to train, and Deidara was able to get in that way and take every article of clothing from Itachi's dresser, right down to the last sock. These were all hidden in the dishwasher for safe-keeping.

Step number two: booby-trap Kisame's dresser to release a smoke bomb if someone were to open it without releasing the jutsu first. Technically Deidara hadn't asked Kisame before installing it (or even suggested that its installation was a possibility), but frankly the blond was still pissed at Kisame for dragging him into this mess and felt the shark could stand to be knocked down a few pegs. Besides, he needed to ensure that Itachi couldn't just get into his partner's clothing to wear them instead.

Step number three: place a small bomb in the water heater to break it. This step had been done hours earlier, and now Deidara merely needed to make the appropriate handsign to set it off. Which would happen, as soon as he completed…

Step number four: hide himself behind the living room couch, giving him an excellent view of the hallway where he could quietly take photos without Itachi catching on. At this point, his plan was ready to be put into action. The blond quickly made a number of handsigns and smiled a moment later when he heard a distant "pop" of the water heater being damaged. That would force Itachi to get out and investigate, which would require putting on a pair of pants at least. Deidara estimated it would take Itachi about a minute to determine that all of his clothing had mysteriously vanished, prompting him to try and borrow something of Kisame's-

BOOM

Moments later smoke poured out into the hallway from the bedroom, with Itachi staggering out seconds later. Just as Deidara had hoped, the Uchiha was wearing nothing but a very short towel around his waist that was threatening to fall now from Itachi's unexpected escape. Quickly Deidara picked up the camera, aimed, and shot a series of pictures in rapid succession.

It was only then that Deidara realized he had completely forgotten about step five: make sure the flash is off so a certain homicidal Uchiha doesn't catch and kill you.

In the blink of an eye Itachi was across the room and had Deidara by the throat, looking far angrier than the blond had ever seen. Likely he would've set the poor artist on fire in the next minute, had Deidara not had the good sense to yell out, "Kisame made me do it, un!"

Itachi loosened his grip slightly, indicating that the blond could go on with his explanation.

"He said he wanted some pictures of you for when one of you goes out on a solo assignment, un! And he asked me to take the photos, I don't know why, and if you're going to kill someone it should really probably be your boyfriend because he sucks at communication, un!"

"Camera." Deidara handed over the offending item without a second thought. Itachi rapidly snapped through the remaining exposures and then ejected the roll of film before returning the camera to Deidara. "This never happened. You will return my clothing and speak of this to no one; especially Kisame."

Once upon a time, Deidara might have paused for a moment to feel slightly bad about condemning Kisame to a fate that was surely worse than death. At the moment, however, he was still pissed at the shark for getting him into this fiasco, grateful that Itachi hadn't completely destroyed him, and on top of all that was panicking about the forgotten anniversary that he still had to make up for, so there was absolutely no room left in his heart for guilt. As soon as he put Itachi's clothes back in the weasel's room, he was going to lock himself in his own bedroom and put that extra film roll to good use.

-a few days later-

Deidara was woken up by the sound of his partner entering their room. Groggily, he sat up and clicked on the lamp sitting beside him. "Danna?"

"Who else would it be?" Sasori grumbled as he roughly sank down onto the foot of their bed and began undressing, kicking his sandals off with slightly more force than was strictly necessary.

Deidara flinched; yup, Sasori was definitely still mad about the forgotten anniversary. "You tired, un?"

"Why?"

"Because I have something for you, un," Deidara said cheerfully, doing his best to ignore the cloud of annoyance that was positively radiating off of Sasori right now. Before the redhead could complain about wanting some peace or could make some smart remark about Deidara's gift giving failures from the past, the blond had plucked a small box out of the drawer of his bedside table and handed it to Sasori. "Happy late anniversary, danna. The stupid people at the store took too long to develop them, un; I wanted you to have them before you left, un."

"Develop what?" Sasori asked as he reluctantly opened the box. "What could you possibly…have…" The Akasuna's voice trailed off completely as he saw the photos and began thumbing through them, eyes wide as saucers now.

Deidara watched with barely contained glee as Sasori poured over the pictures, his eyebrows occasionally rising at some of the more risqué poses and images. "What do you think, un?"

"They're quite well done," Sasori commented. "Good lighting, excellent framing-"

"Danna!"

"And gorgeous subject," Sasori finished, kissing Deidara right on the lips. "Hm, they'll probably have to stay in the base, though; I'd hate to lose one on the road and then have someone else find it."

"Oh yeah," Deidara murmured, feeling somewhat foolish that the idea hadn't occurred to him.

"On the other hand, that could work to my advantage. I wouldn't mind if they updated your bingo book photo with _this_ picture."

"What?! No!"

"Or maybe this one," Sasori went on, acting completely oblivious to his partner's increasing distress. "No wait, this one. It's got such a good view of your face, plus it immediately lets the reader know how flexible-"

"That's it, I'm burning all those pictures, un!" Deidara declared as he lunged for the photos.

Sasori, however, was prepared and easily held the blond at arm's length with a single strong puppet arm. "Oh no, these are mine now you sexy little brat. Maybe next time, plan ahead a little better for our anniversary so I don't get my gift late, hm?"

"Danna!" At that point things devolved into Sasori laughing as Deidara struggled for the pictures, which inevitably turned into full-scale wrestling that of course devolved into something more carnal and enjoyable to both parties. By the time the two artists went to sleep hours later, the pictures had fallen to the floor, forgotten for the time being.

-elsewhere-

"Itachi, you've made your point, really! Next time something like this happens, we'll talk it out, ok?"

Itachi shook his head. "If you get pictures, I get pictures."

Kisame gave the weasel the most pathetic face he could muster up. "Yeah, but…can't I have my clothes back? At least give me my underwear!"

"Not until we finish this roll of film."

Kisame groaned and flopped backwards onto their bed, completely naked as Itachi snapped picture after picture. He was never going to try and pull one over on Itachi again; especially not with the help of idiot, cowardly blonds.


End file.
